Whenever I am coaching one of our clients, so many of the conversations, no matter where they start come back to being about their lack of confidence. So many ladies, say, “Well I could totally do that, if I only had more confidence.” They allow others to stand in the spot light, knowing that they dream of more but just refuse to go after it.
Because of that mentality, many women let years go by before they actually become sick and tired and letting everyone get the places that they have always wanted to go. Lacking confidence keeps people from taking bold actions, risks and jumping without wondering first what the out come will be.
The question transpires over and over, “But Jilleysue, How do I become more confident?
You see, confidence isn’t born. We aren’t born confident, but we aren’t born thinking badly of ourselves either. People learn to appear confident or self assured, but we simply do not just come out of the womb thikning, “I got this.” in every situation. Every great leader feels fear. Every inspiring mentor we can think of has documented that they have felt less than or unsure of themselves.
Tony Robbins, Oprah, Steve Jobs & even Mother Theresa. They all admit to feeling much less than confident quite often.
Fear is common. Being confident doesn’t mean that we are never fearful. As Elizabeth Gilbert said so brilliantly in her interview with Marie Forleo, “The only people I know who are truly fearless are toddlers and psychopaths.”
So, we all know what confidence isn’t. We know that even if we feel knowledgeable and sure of ourselves, that we can still be fearful. The question for most is still, “How do I become more confident?”
There have been plenty of times, I have been asked to speak on topics that I know for a fact I know more about than 90% of my industry and I have said no. There have been times when I have had to be on a webinar and under my desk, I have shook like a leaf and let me be completely transparent, I have walked into a room of my own family and friends and felt like I didn’t fit in. I have actually been fearful to get on zoom calls with only just 3 of my own tribe. I was scared to rejection. Scared to be asked a question. Fearful I would be judged and not accepted. If you watch me on Live videos or You tube and think, wow she has it all together, confidence must have come naturally to her, you couldn’t be further from the truth.
What I have become is self aware. Self aware of my anxiety, my fears, things I have needed to work on, my thoughts. That is the first key goal to any of this. You must be aware of who you are, what you are saying and what you exactly are most fearful of. When you can figure that out……well you are on your way to feeling more CONFIDENT.
HOW TO BE MORE CONFIDENT
1. CONFIDENCE IS FOUND THRU ACTION
You must move your ass and specifically in the direction of whatever scares you the most. The more you practice those big, big things that make you want to hide under your bed, the more confident you will become. You will NEVER be completely unafraid. Fear makes us grow. It makes us jump and it makes you LEVEL UP. Fear keeps you in check or it can cripple you. If you want to grow, you need to always go in the direction of fear and realize that the first time is the hardest. When you body and brain realize that you can’t be hurt, it calms itself and immediately says, Hey I got this.”
BEING CONFIDENT IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR, BUT BEING SELF AWARE & RECOGNIZING. CONFIDENCE IS CULTIVATED.
Practicing taking risks is a skill. It’s your courage muscle. And it’s got to be flexed and worked in order to grow. Only you can decide if you’d rather sit where you are (cuz that kind sucks) or if you want more.
START PRACTICING NOW.
What action could you take right now that could lead you a step or two closer?
What action step have you been avoiding taking that you know could move you further forward faster?
2. PLACE YOUR CONFIDENCE PROPERLY
You’re not going to feel confident when you’re trying ANYTHING new. It’s new. You’ve never done it before. But you aren’t going to feel confident, wanting confidence and doing nothing either. Do you really want to go into a room and finally feel that sigh come over you. That comfort level that ends up being at, “ah this is easy.” Well, then it takes you taking action, over and over and over.
We usually have our confident in the wrong place. We think that when we get that new title, with that next trip, after that next breakout, we will feel more and more confident but that just isn’t the case.
You can’t possibly feel confident with a result or a goal that you’ve never achieved before. It takes time and patience and action. Repeated consistency of those things.
To quote the great Martin Luther King, Jr., “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” You need to trust yourself. Trust that everything is figure out – able. You have gotten thru everything you have gotten thru because you will NEVER let you down. You have figured things out and your path has led you to exactly where you are suppose to be.
Whatever your current challenge is, you can figure that out too. I promise. No matter what it is. You don’t need to know how, you just need to trust things WILL fall in line.
The only thing that is true about who you are is what you say about yourself.” – James Wedmore
LET’S TAKE THE FIRST STEP TOGETHER:
When was there a time when you were totally confident in being able to figure something out?
What did you do?
How did you speak to yourself?
What did you feel when you did figure it out?
This gives you your strategy to figure things out. Tackle any problem by thinking, feeling, and seeing things in the same way, and you’ll be able to figure that problem out too.
I’d love to hear how you tackled a problem or got thru your last challenge. Come join me on the Facebook page to let me know…and girl do me a favor, share this with another lady who really needs to hear, “YOU GOT THIS!”